Advice for Christian Singles

     You may have searched for a mate using various singles sites. Or you might just like to spend all day chatting with people you never intend to meet like people on sites I've been on. :-). I dunno. But herein I'm simply going to share my ...often brief experiences with various so called "Christian" sites. I DESPISE as does the Lord, people using his name to further their financial gain while having no concern for the lives of the people they are using along the way. Unfortunately I've experienced a great deal of this.
     But let me start on a positive note. Herein I'll list sites I've found a generally good direction on. I hope to also have a site up soon that will be for anyone who wants to meet people working in the harvest field of the Lord. That is where a real relationship should start. In the mean time here is a bit of writing on a single's perspective. Just what you wanted eh? ALso here is a brief review on a bunch of singles sites that often turn up in search engines.

1) This fellow is just an individual it appears running a site with not a lot of people. However he seems to have very good intentions and isn't in it to make money. Which is why you probably won't find him on the top of an engine search.

2) Uhh..uhhh....I'm looking for others where I feel I can plug in with people. So far nothing worth mentioning. I hope improves maybe in the area of having more communication. The administrator at least seems honest. I'm sorry I can't say that about more of them. But so far I've just gotten mostly spam and silly mail there.

     And...moving right along to the more abundant negative side of things. Why overall negative? It' to be that fallen nature of humanity thing. The internet is a highly unsupervised thing. Those who seek the dollar rush to register the domain name before careful/concerned people. So...Well, here are some details.

1) These people....I talked to them so many times during my 1 year LIFETIME membership... and tried to get them to filter the fake profiles. It's so easy to do. But they lied and said they would do things but then never did them. (Forcing people to answer at least three essays for instance, or taking the survey on my ministry networking page and flagging people who don't know basic doctrine as MINISTRY opportunities, instead of fodder for the "Christian" database..ahem...) Rather for me and a few others I knew in rapid succession, they take your money, then when they figure out that you are "maintenance" because of convicted people assaulting your character and insisting on your removal, they comply rather than looking at the events in a godly light. Of course...what do you expect from people in Orem, UT who run a sister site I didn't know this when I paid the liars money. They represented the tech support as one person named Cara. Rather it was many people who never tell you their names it appears. Otherwise they must type at 9000 words/minute with all the people on there whining daily :-). I ALSO documented an interesting scam though. A guy named Joshua Oppong wrote me while I was on there and tried to convince me he was a pastor in Guana I recall. THen 'one of his member' he said got very sick..and the doctor was going to...I dunno saw their head off or something unless they could come up with 1000 bucks I seem to recall. I tried to hook him up with some local people there and got ignored. *busted*.... anyway I got kicked off shortly after that as did the only other solid believer I'd met in there who stood up on doctrinal issues of importance, John Kelly. But 8 months later John told me the administration had changed and he was back on there for another run. I wrote christianmingle... and asked if this was true. IMMEDIATELY (like 2 minutes later) I had a letter from Joshua Oppong in my mailbox claiming that he was about to come to the US now!
     I think anyone with a brain the size of a small bead, knows that Oppong was a fake profile run by one of the admins...and they were working a scam to get sympathetic people to donate money. No wonder their lifetime membership was so cheap.

1b) Same as above. I've been told that mingle got bought out but they didn't respond to my query about it and if I could have back the account stolen from me. So I assume not much has changed.

1c> same as above. Jerks. Avoid like plague

2) My sisters knew this guy and think he's just great. I'm not impressed because of his BS adds (yess...Paul even referred to something like BS...) lie and make you think that you are getting something for nothing. He boasts how his stinking profile is worth 40 some bucks on the ad. In reality, it's worth YOU being DATABASE FODDER FOR HIM! People like this..really annoy me. Ya know Mr...whatever your name is...god is going to let liars in. Repent.

3) Owner trying to ride off the heels of e-harmony. Waste time filling out stuff then find out you can't communicate. Admin is very abrasive; calling you hateful because you don't agree that his presentation is ok, etc.

4) Could be any more deceptive coming in from search engine. No hint that this is a pay site. Minimal account = $120/year! See discussion below...

5) aka "Christian Singles Connection". Totally appears legit with free email etc. Get on there and you have just joined a spam engine. EVERY decent looking woman I could find and all who mailed me were looking for a 'God Fearing man'. Of course...almost nobody in America talks that way and most of these claimed to be from america. A few even sent real estate scam baits and standard nigerian scams. Phooey! Glad I signed up with gmail because to remove profiles you write 'support'. I had written support 3X and nobody wrote back at all.

Miscellaneous other worthless sites to avoid: pay before you mail, but at least the profiles look real; I'd be afraid to meet them.. your standard bait and switch..telling you free but then qualifying it with worthless pity to waste such a great name on another overpriced site.

fusion101- snippety administrator who boots you out of chat rather than the person hacking on you..clearly playing favorites..maturity level of a paramecium in jello.

Cybergrace- Make it sound like you get free stuff. 20/month to do anything however. Chat is useless. It's some shared thing where you have nothing but a bunch of anonymous people most of the time who don't want to meet anyone. Phooey. Free? Free what? Free..waste of time? JOYY!

Christiansingles-10 bucks a month for minimal access...and no info up front to tell you that..profile then pay Another fraud free front end scenario. I couldn't see anything about money until the profile was in and I think I must have asked them to pull me before and I just logged on probably a year later and I'm still able to log in and see mail from 'bellyshirt' that I can't read. Oh phooey! Sounds like my type too! hehe. Total Russian scam site! Admin never replies to queries about obscene women, etc. Several 'affiliates' who all route to their intake. The admin is no help understanding why. I was on it before and obviously wasn't too impressed and now have a hint why. They don't care. I don't recall how much they charge. I guess...I don't care either. Save yourself the trouble. They link as a christian site and have pointers to a lot of the sites described herein. Surrounded by pornographic ads. Uhh...yeah. Initially I see lots of probably legit profiles...near all of them have 0% response rating to email though who I would consider attractive. Maaaakes ya wonder right off the bat. This one I just joined..again. Thought I had it in here..something was wrong before but can't remember what :-). They say 'free free free' and it looks like you'll be able to communicate but you get in and it's only to messages sent YOU. THanks guys..for wasting my time. Soooo...does that mean they'll have the hot babe profile send me a message to entice me to pay moola? What's wrong with a well set up free site? Pay if you get married only. How's that? hehe. summary:
     I can't even remember half of the places I've been tossed off of for interacting with people in a biblical way...when they sin against me. It's so easy for people to sin against you on the internet. And yes I want to forgive them. BUt..I ALSO want to OBEY JESUS who commands that I not...just forgive. But that I follow a specific protocol as outlined in Matthew 18:15. The liars who claim to be Christians but hate Jesus' words are the ones running too many 'christian' sites I've found. I'm sorry I have to say that's true. That's all I've done when I try to interact with people on them. You will know people by their fruits. If they hate Jesus words, then they are not Christians. Beware of those who charge money in particular for any kind of connection. And...beware when you see that their databases are full of beautiful looking women and really handsome guys. Because..ya know. Most people who don't FIND A MATE RIGHT OFF...have some flaws. :-) Well everyone does but I mean physically. I have one eye. I'm visibily marred by an accident when I was 2 years old. I don't try to hide it and lie to people. I don't pay money that could go to helping starving children to make it cosmetically better with surgery. Love me or hate me for it. Your choice. But I strangely find myself in the far reaching minority on so many of these sites.
     Beware in general of sites that call themselves 'Christian' but MAKE NO EFFORT to discern whether the people on their site are Christian or not. Or worse yet, ones like mingle that kick you off for attempting to follow biblical protocol. The literally forbade me to call a witness to see if someone claiming to be a christian wanted to understand how they had hurt me and falsely accused me (literally when I was trying to defend them in a chat room from someone who was saying hurtful things!). Strange misunderstandings are the norm in these sites because their foundation isn't on Jesus. -Bob

Finally, regarding outlandish continuous charges on these sites..
     For...what? Is it really THAT much maintenance to keep one of these things going? For an ISP we might pay that. However...this isn't an ISP. This is someone paying a hosting service...I mean let's say we had a small inefficient site. I could host easily 20 people's stuff with plenty of good interactive tools on my 10M space without any bandwidth problem. 200/month fee and I'm paying like 15/month. And it gets WAY more efficient when we have more people and need more resources. I think if..someone really wanted to help the poor beaten up single people...they could do better. I don't believe sites that do these kind of things really have anyones BEST interest but their own in mind.

A perspective on singledom from an edited post on
(In reply to a woman talking about how we all make judgements by appearances..)

     The difference is...some of us bring the whole thing before the lord. We all walk in the flesh and have to seek forgiveness, but some..just make it a life's pattern and have no use for walking any other way. These people are not being 'set apart' as it says in Hebrews 10:14. They are rather arrogant in their own appearance judgements.
     But as we walk in the spirit he will discipline us and cause us to bring those appearance judgements before the throne so that again we can obey Jesus who specifically said "Do not judge by appearances, but make right judgements".
     Right judgements are those that fall under direct revelation of the word. If on the other hand I see a sister who has struggled with obeisity for instance, but she is trying to walk in Christ....SHAME SHAME SHAME on me if I don't befriend her and not judge her for her appearance. God's going to lead in the hearts of both individuals if there is to be a long term relationship. BUT WHOAAAA to those who misplace their the point where they can't even act as brothers/sisters in christ without getting hung up on "ewww, i don't want to spend any time giving them the time of day or they might think I have romantic intentions" or that kind of bologna! That's..satanic. That literally undermines the unity in the body of Christ. I keep wondering..where are my unmarried sisters in Christ. There's this ...massive void. I can't recall the last time I had any kind of extended friendship with a single woman that centered around encouraging one another in Christ, envisioning/praying about exploits to do in his kingdom, etc. It's so strange. Don't ya think?
     SO, while we all face a set of appearance judgements that we have to deal with..we should deal with them in Christ. And not first and foremost let them destroy the unity of the body. Secondly we should continually repurpose in our heart regarding our concept of the perspective mate and learn to leave all those things in his hands. It's been a hard thing for me as anyone. I still find myself getting off track in my thinking and have to repent often. But it's a war we can win in him!
     But there are pure ideals... There is something ultimately beautiful about people coming together who have weaknesses but are clearly dealing with them and encouraging each other in them....but who show FAR MORE of the workings of christ than their that those looking on can see more than just a couple wrecks coming together as one wreck verbalizing that God will fix this up.
     But rather people who have matured and struggled against their flesh and have overcome in many areas. I seek a woman who has those kinds of qualities and I believe God will help me see those things and others see those things in her and in me and that we might be as one an interwoven testimony of God's elaborate working.
     So I might be initially attracted to a super-model type but then quickly be revolted when I sense the person who is emerging and is soon to destroy the work God intended for good...even with attempted help of a high priced maintenence team in the cases of real super-models.Smile... And other times I'm left praying 'well..she seemed like a nice girl and I'm certainly attracted,...lord please put some kind of attraction in her heart if this is to work out"...because I can't follow the biblical model and jump over hurdles placed there by the other person. If I run away from God he won't hide himself from me but he also won't get in my face about it. He will let me to chase after other loves and find that it's worthless.
     I really believe when a single man of God meets a single woman she has a choice to make which will determine if she is going to continue as a woman of God. The logic is pretty simple. 1) God didn't design man to be alone. 2) Created woman to fill that role. 3) People sinned and God lost involvement in the process ...with most. A man of God is a pretty rare thing. Churchy guys are a dime a dozen. But people who really humble themselves before God and seek his face instead of submitting themselves to an..intermediary pseudo-high priest-in-place-of-christ (VIcker...that's what the word Vicker means. The pope for example is the 'Vicker of Rome).... are quite rare. ALways have been...always will be. Like two guys out of the whole bunch of Israelites who were in the desert. One family out of the whole earth during the flood. OF Soddom and Gomorrah??? Of the nations Israel destroyed?? OF the Israelites when they were under corrupt leadership and showed their true colors??? ayiiieee. It's not good.
     I'd love to for once hear someone say "Wow..that's right Bob. I never thought of it like that" because...I know most people do not think of it like that. They think something changed in the New Testement, even though Paul evaluates the spiritual condition of the people saying "Each one thinks of his own good; not the good of another" and so on.
     No, only a small scattered remnant. A woman; if she is to be a woman of God needs to set her sites on that perhaps somewhat tattered man by the world's standard's. Showing fruits of not loving the world or anyting in the world. Instead of buying the nice car he gives to the poor. Instead of eating the richest foods he maybe saves up more there to give to others. Instead of worrying about how to get ahead all the time he humbles himself before God and trusts him for the daily provision and if God leads him to save up like Josheph well most certainly..but otherwise... he 'takes no thought of tomorrow'. He maybe doesn't worry about flashy dress but uses his time to preach the word to those in the streets. But he disciplines his mind, his body and his spirit to be a vessel of God's service.
     Appearances, are shallow. But most are content to settle for a shallow existance with a superficial Jesus sticker pasted over it. But a small remnant will arise and go forth from their appearance judgements and make right judgements that will free them up to actually make a difference! -Bob